According to Lisa Steadman, a relationship expert, a breakup can definitely bring out the worst in people.
But rather than letting your ex see your hurt or vindictive side, try focusing
on the positives of a breakup whenever possible.
Everyone processes a breakup differently. But to accept it and
move on, Steadman advises her clients to avoid these four common pitfalls when
it comes to finding new happiness after a breakup.
1. Focusing on Your Ex: All that energy is really a waste though, because it only
heightens the negative emotions. "It's really easy to focus on what's next
for an ex –who will he date, what he will do –but a woman should really refocus
on herself instead."
2. Cyber-stalking: Though the temptation is strong, avoid following your ex
online. "The best approach is to just remove him from your social
media pages," said Steadman. "It will only upset you and make you
feel like you're missing out."
3. Rebound Sex: "Rebound sex can
actually send you running back into the arms of your ex," said Steadman.
"You miss the comfort from the relationship sex and when it's not the
same, it can be very unsettling."
4. Self-loathing: No matter who's
responsible for the breakup, women tend to shoulder the burden and turn it into
something deeply personal, especially as they get older, according to Steadman.
"Women see all of their friends settling down, getting married, and having
kids... they think, what's wrong with me? Now I have to start all over
again," said Steadman. "And it can feel very exhausting."
Instead of worrying what everyone else is doing, though, Steadman
says you should just zero in on what's positive in your life and remind
yourself of what was wrong in the relationship. "Don't view a breakup as a
failure," she said. "It isn't about everyone else. It's about you and
your next steps."
Rationality is not always easy to come by when matters of the
heart are at stake, but putting a positive spin on a breakup can bring closure
and peace faster.
Think about all of the good stuff in your life, like healthy
friendships, how well school or your career is going, how supportive your
family is and what your next steps are in terms of chasing what you're
passionate about. A bad relationship can hold you back, so you're much better
off with this fresh start.
"The best news ever is when a woman looks back and says that
she's glad she broke up with an ex," said Steadman. Just remember that
you'll be okay, and you will find happiness again.
FROM: Just
Break Up? Don't Do These 4 Things –K. Parsons for GalTime.com
