FOUR COMMON MISTAKES TO AVOID AFTER A BREAKUP

According to Lisa Steadman, a relationship expert, a breakup can definitely bring out the worst in people. But rather than letting your ex see your hurt or vindictive side, try focusing on the positives of a breakup whenever possible.

Everyone processes a breakup differently. But to accept it and move on, Steadman advises her clients to avoid these four common pitfalls when it comes to finding new happiness after a breakup.

1. Focusing on Your Ex: All that energy is really a waste though, because it only heightens the negative emotions. "It's really easy to focus on what's next for an ex –who will he date, what he will do –but a woman should really refocus on herself instead."

2. Cyber-stalking: Though the temptation is strong, avoid following your ex online. "The best approach is to just remove him from your social media pages," said Steadman. "It will only upset you and make you feel like you're missing out."

3. Rebound Sex: "Rebound sex can actually send you running back into the arms of your ex," said Steadman. "You miss the comfort from the relationship sex and when it's not the same, it can be very unsettling."

4. Self-loathing: No matter who's responsible for the breakup, women tend to shoulder the burden and turn it into something deeply personal, especially as they get older, according to Steadman. "Women see all of their friends settling down, getting married, and having kids... they think, what's wrong with me? Now I have to start all over again," said Steadman. "And it can feel very exhausting."

Instead of worrying what everyone else is doing, though, Steadman says you should just zero in on what's positive in your life and remind yourself of what was wrong in the relationship. "Don't view a breakup as a failure," she said. "It isn't about everyone else. It's about you and your next steps."

Rationality is not always easy to come by when matters of the heart are at stake, but putting a positive spin on a breakup can bring closure and peace faster.

Think about all of the good stuff in your life, like healthy friendships, how well school or your career is going, how supportive your family is and what your next steps are in terms of chasing what you're passionate about. A bad relationship can hold you back, so you're much better off with this fresh start.

"The best news ever is when a woman looks back and says that she's glad she broke up with an ex," said Steadman. Just remember that you'll be okay, and you will find happiness again.

FROM: Just Break Up? Don't Do These 4 Things –K. Parsons for GalTime.com